Too often, couples enter remarriage unaware of potential problems and unprepared for the challenges stepfamily life will bring. The Heart of Remarriage takes a unique approach to success in remarriage by going straight to the heart, helping couples heal from the inside out rather than offering surface suggestions that may change circumstances but not the lives of couples and their families. Gary and Greg Smalley partner with remarried couple Dan and Marci Cretsinger to offer this marriage-changing idea: No matter what circumstances or challenges a remarried couple and their stepfamily face, the solution starts in their hearts.
Remarried couples will learn how to examine their own hearts and heal them from the hurts of the past, so that they can be filled with God's love and let that love overflow to their family members.
The Heart of Remarriage teaches readers how to create emotional security for every family member and offers practical ideas for connecting at the heart level with their spouse, children, and stepchildren. Couples will be encouraged to keep their hearts open and challenged to leave a family legacy of love. The best-selling author of The DNA of Relationships candidly shares his own personal struggles and the daily habits he learned to stay connected with God, offering insight into establishing one's own relationship with God and revealing ways to lead a stress-free life.
And more important, how can you hold on to that love for the rest of your life? The only person you can change is yourself. You can stop the Fear Dance. You control whether you get stuck in the Fear Dance. It takes only one person to stop the destructive dance. When conflict raises its ugly head, where do you place blame? Your spouse? What steps could you take to accept personal responsibility in your life? Don't look to others to make you happy.
Don't fall into the "If you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" myth. Come to relationships with realistic expectations. List some unrealistic expectations that you have of your spouse, children, parents, co-workers, boss, etc. Become the CEO of your life. You can't force people to meet your needs, but when you express legitimate needs to others, they can choose to step in to assist you. How would you ask someone pushing your buttons to help you during your maturity journey?
Forgiveness heals relationships. Taking personal responsibility means you confess your wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. You also forgive others. Who do you need to forgive? Who do you need to ask for forgiveness? Chapter 5 Safety: Create a Safe Environment Read the following passage and list 2 reasons why we make bad judges.
When you create a safe environment, relationships flourish. What relationships do you not feel safe in right now? Have you created any unsafe environments? Respect the wall. When people are threatened, they build a wall. Instead of trying to knock down the wall with a sledgehammer, respect the wall. Create a safe environment in which the other person can gradually take down the wall.
Would you say that you are perceptive in identifying walls others have built in protecting themselves from you? If so, outline the steps you take in attempting to tear down the wall.
Honor others. When we honor others, we see them as valuable. We see others as God sees them. Honor creates a safe environment in which people can come together. What are some ways you can express honor to your friends and family? What words can you use? Suspend judgment. When we express genuine interest in people rather than judge them, relationships have a better chance of growing. Would others describe you as negative, pessimistic, or judgmental?
Or would they describe you as positive, optimistic and unconditionally loving? Value differences. When we value our differences rather than make them the focus of our conflict, we create safety. Make a list of the differences between you and someone you struggle with relationally. Be trustworthy. When we are trustworthy with others, we dedicate ourselves to treating them as the valuable and vulnerable people that they are.
When we are trustworthy with ourselves, we act in ways consistent with our own value and vulnerability. Next to each point you listed above, express the value of that difference and how it can be used to strengthen the relationship.
What words would you use to describe your physical health right now? Self-care is essential to all relationships. If you don't take care of yourself, you will have nothing to give to a relationship.
The only way you have something to offer a relationship is to make sure you are caring for yourself. We must love God above all and love others as we love ourselves.
This great commandment indicates that we can love others only as we love ourselves. When we take care of our whole selves--spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically--we set ourselves up for healthy relationships. Why does loving ourselves sound selfish? Your emotions are your information system. Your emotions inform you about what you are feeling. What are your emotions telling you about your pace of life at this moment?
Listen to your emotions. Identify your emotions, and evaluate whether or not they are true. Identify some negative emotions you may have as a direct result of negative thinking. What type of actions are your thoughts producing at home, at work, with family and friends? Self-care is not selfish. Taking good care of yourself is one of the best things you can do for your family, friends, and coworkers. Is your relationship with yourself healthy? Do you value yourself as God does?
Write down three ways in which you can choose to honor God by honoring yourself. Good self-care involves receiving, attending, and giving. You need to receive from others, attend to your legitimate needs, and give to others out of your fullness. Do you take enough time out for yourself? If not, list 2 or 3 activities you can cut out to free up some time.
What roadblocks might you encounter in freeing up this time? How will you handle them? You can release your stress and find peace by:?
Reducing expectations. Receiving everything that happens as filtered by God. Using every stressful experience as an opportunity to worship God. Resting in God, listening quietly, and asking him what he's telling you to do.
Are your thoughts true as recorded in Scripture about trials, gossip, the view of yourself, Gods love, all circumstances and other things that happen to you? Chapter 7 Emotional Communication: Listen with the Heart My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry James According to this passage, what 2 steps should we take to slow down our quick response or anger?
Listen beyond the words to the feelings. People generally feel more understood, cared for, and connected when the communication focuses on their emotions and feelings rather than merely on their words or thoughts. When listening, do you find yourself asking questions to gain deeper insight? Or is your focus on you, thinking about the next point you can make? The real message is often the emotion behind the words. When you listen with your heart and listen for the heart of the other person, you show that you care.
When we find ourselves disagreeing with someone, what steps can we take to become better listeners? Try saying statements like, Let me see if Im hearing you right or So what I hear you saying is.
Allow others' emotions to touch you. People feel loved when they know you truly understand their feelings. When someone is sharing with you, how do you respond to let them know youre getting what theyre saying? Effective communication is a dynamic process of discovery that maintains energy in the relationship. When you see communication as a dynamic process of discovery rather than one of solving problems, you often solve the problems by default. Do deep conversations tend to wear you out?
In a couple of sentences, explain your feelings during times of intense conversation? Effective Communication starts with safety. When you listen rather than judge or correct, you create a safe environment for understanding to blossom. What relationships could benefit from your quest for understanding rather than problem-solving?
Communication is understanding, not determining who's right. Your relationships will thrive if your priority is understanding the other person. When you find yourself in an argument, what is your goal? Is your goal to win, or be right? Or is your goal unity and harmony? Chapter 8 - Teamwork: Adopt a No-Losers Policy Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.
Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Philippians MSG What have you done this week to assure your spouse that you are on the same team? How about your co-workers? Reblogged this on The Kathy Potter Chronicles. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account.
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